I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
