My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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