Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
