I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
