Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
