you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
