the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
