Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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