maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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