you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
