You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
