Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
