is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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