I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize