She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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