i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
