They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Houston, we have a squirter
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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