We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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