Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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