I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
