Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
