i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
