im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
