you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
