i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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