Life is so much better after having sex.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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