I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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