i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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