my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
