he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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