we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
