he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
