Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize