I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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