When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
