she pinky promised me she was 18
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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