I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
