marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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