Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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