Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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