....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
