Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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