This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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