Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
