party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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