It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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