Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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