Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
