that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
