well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
