Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
