That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
