you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
