Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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