I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
