ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
please don't ironically join a cult
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