The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize