I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I intend to get homeless drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
