You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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