he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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