apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
