You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
