Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
