I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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