i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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