There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
