What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I look better un-naked...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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