I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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