I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
