in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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