I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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