My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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