So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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