It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
