i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
