goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
