remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
