Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
