i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
