I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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