All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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