lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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