thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
