Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You are the jesus of drinking
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
