Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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