He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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